Welcome to Aeriel Colleen‘s latest article on Pleasure Mapping, for her new column: The Alchemy of Love: How Love Heals. Learn how sacred intimacy and touch can help heal and transform your sex life.
The Theory- Holistic Sex, Sacred Intimacy- What is it?
I’ve been fascinated with how love can help us to heal and transform my entire life. It’s what drew me towards emotional healing work, then tantra and then sacred sex and intimacy work.
Personally, I’ve never found anything that heals as deeply as sacred intimacy and holistic sex.
You might be wondering what that even means — which is fair, because our culture treats sex as something mostly physical. We all sense it’s not, but you rarely hear a real conversation about holistic sexuality.
However, the ancient traditions, such as Tantra, the Tao and a wide range of shamanic and indigenous traditions fully understood that we are all made up of different layers of self: the spiritual, the physical, the emotional, the mental — and that all of these layers are intertwined and affect each other. And that sex, of course, touches and affects each and every layer dramatically and hopefully ecstatically.
So when I talk about holistic sexuality and sacred intimacy, this is what we’re talking about — a way to connect, a way to experience pleasure, but also a kind of healing technology that is innate and accessible to all of us. It’s about connecting on all levels.
That’s what we’re going to be exploring in these articles: how to heal, connect, transform, and ignite deeper pleasure through holistic healing touch.
We’ll be exploring pleasure mapping in different parts of the body, but with the potential to unlock much more than just the big O — we’re talking about transformational eros.
And let me just state very clearly that this type of touch and connection is not just for so-called spiritual people or alternative people. I’ve worked with hundreds of people over the span of 15 years, and I’ve seen everyone from yogis to accountants to movie actors to military workers discover healing, energy flow, heart opening, greater pleasure, and deeper connection.
In my experience, people are craving this — even if they can’t name what’s missing.
Maybe they can’t relax and be present with their partner. Maybe emotional wounds are keeping the body in shell shock. Maybe a certain kind of touch just isn’t happening. There’s always somewhere to unlock deeper healing and connection — and when it lands it’s the most beautiful experience. It never gets old.
Pleasure Mapping: The Practice- Juan and Gabriella- Getting Back into the Body
The Back and the Feet
Let’s explore what pleasure mapping can look like in practice — an example drawn from years of client work, not any one couple.
Juan and Gabriella have been together five years. Juan works brutal hours — sometimes 18-hour shifts — on call to fix servers whenever something breaks. He’s often stressed and tapped out, carrying a lot of responsibility. Lately his libido has shut down, and Gabriella feels disconnected and frustrated. They both want to find their way back to pleasure.
For a couple like this, working with the back and feet is a great place to start, and one key for this, and all pleasure mapping and healing touch, is to take the pressure off completely — especially when libido has shut down.
The pleasure mapping practice starts simply: agree that this touch comes with no expectations and no pressure to perform — just presence, for however long feels good. Ten minutes is plenty to start. Both partners take a minute to breathe, land in the body, and reconnect to themselves. Then choose who gives and who receives first — in Juan’s case, since he’s carrying the most pressure, he receives first.
Pleasure Mapping For the back:
What gets stored here — energy blocks, pain and tension get stored all the way up the back. In Tantra and yoga the spine is the main energy conduit, and physical and energetic blocks here mean the life force of the body is shut down. Life force shut down parallels libido shut down. The back is also connected to the heart — when we touch between the shoulder blades we are touching the heart center from behind. Healing touch here signals safety and the ability to let go and open a guarded heart.
How to work with it holistically:
- Spirit/energy: Before you touch, pause and set an intention — to send your partner love and healing energy through your hands. Take a minute to connect with your breath, a few deep calming breaths, and aim to stay with a nice relaxed breath while you give them touch.
- Emotions: Tune into what your partner might be carrying emotionally right now. Let your touch come from a place of wanting to support them — to help carry the load, even for these few minutes.
- Mental: Think of — and if it feels right, say aloud — something you appreciate about them: how they move through the world, something they’ve handled with strength, something that makes you proud of them.
- Pleasure Mapping: Use plenty of oil, and glide slowly up either side of the spine, working into the small grooves along each side. Thumbs work well — mind your nails. Check in on pressure and speed: ask them to rate the pressure from 1 to 10 (1 = not good, 10 = great), then ask about the speed. Pair it with a light, feathering touch back down, syncing your breath with the movement — inhale as you glide up, exhale as you feather down. For more sensual fun you can try: light kisses up and down the spine. Grazing nipples or hair along the back. Pressing your chest against their back and connecting your heart centers and taking a few deep breaths together.
Pleasure Mapping For the feet:
What gets stored here — the feet are tied to the root chakra and our core sense of safety. The soles carry acupressure points connected to every part of the body, and energy flows through them to anchor us back into the earth. When someone’s energy isn’t flowing downward, they’re often stuck in their head — the feet are where we help bring them back down into the body.
How to work with them holistically:
- Spirit/energy: Take some nice deep breaths before offering touch, and focus on being present in your body, calm and connected to the earth. If you like, imagine roots flowing down from your feet into the earth, anchoring your energy and theirs deep into the ground.
- Emotions: Tune into your partner’s mind, all the things they need to focus on daily. Imagine how they might be feeling, and imagine your touch is helping to bring healing energy to their heart and mind.
- Mental: Focus on stillness, not needing to do anything, and allowing spaciousness. Breathe into any thoughts, and invite your partner into your own mental calmness with your presence. No words needed.
- Physical Pleasure Mapping: Start by simply holding your partner’s feet and breathing together — long, slow exhales, inviting them to breathe with you. It’s deeply intimate. Then, with oil, work into the center of the foot and the Achilles — both release tension and support the dearmoring process. Hold one foot at a time and use the thumb to stroke up the center of the sole. Check in often, using the 1-10 method again for pressure and speed. For the Achilles, try a pinching position with thumb and pointer finger, working in small circles — again checking speed and pressure. Then glide up the calf, connecting the two areas. Keep checking in!
The Results of Pleasure Mapping
Juan was able to let go and receive touch from Gabriella. As he had the space to just breathe and receive, his muscles started to relax, his body armour and stress response lessened, and he started feeling really turned on by the end of the 10 minutes of touch. Gabriella found out he loves when she glides her nipples across his back. She felt more connected than she had in weeks. They both admit it’s been a long time since touch felt relaxed, fun and exploratory together. There’s a spark rekindled.
Pleasure Mapping: The Take Away
The nervous system needs time to shift into rest and relaxation in order for pleasure to flow, and pressure and performance are libido killers. Agreeing to no expectations, some intentional relaxation, and some slow exploratory touch can work wonders for intimacy and libido blocks. Pleasure mapping uses simple tools and techniques, powerful results.
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Stay tuned for next month’s column from Aeriel Colleen:
The Alchemy of Love: How Love Heals
Exploring the tools, techniques and philosophies that can help you unlock inner healing, deeper pleasure, and intimacy that goes beyond the physical.
Aeriel Colleen is a somatic healing practitioner and intimacy coach with 15 years of experience helping people come home to their bodies and rediscover sex and intimacy as a path to healing. She’s the founder of the Alchemy of Love app — alchemyoflove.net — offering guided somatic and tantric journeys for individuals, women, and couples. Start your free trial and experience the practices from this column for yourself.
