Portable Spanking Bench: Take the FFFun with You Everywhere You Go!

From the Editor: Discover what a portable spanking bench is, explore its features and benefits, and learn how this versatile BDSM accessory can enhance your kinky play at home or on the go.

“In my heart of hearts there’s a special place

For every man who shook my hand

And every girl that kissed my face

In my heart of hearts there hides no shame

In my heart of hearts I’d do it all again”

For those of you that read column #1 thank you most kindly, heart hugs all around.

Hello again from deep in the wilderness of Speyside, Acton, Ontario. With “Canada’s Largest Outdoor Dungeon” on our property we’re the new reason why “It’s worth the drive to Acton!” To put “Our Special Place in the Woods” into perspective a client who visited our property to pick up her all pink Portable Spanking Bench — yes everything was pink, woodwork, cushions, box etc. — said and I quote, “If Willy Wonka was a Kinkster this is where he would live!” That of course will be my epitaph “The WILLY WONKA of KINK!”

Before we get to the meat of the order — the real reason you wade through the ramblings of a deranged mind to the FFFun Furniture FFFacts — it’s time to review the past months happenings of which there were 2 major highlights, our 7th annual 3XF Festival and Kink Garden at Sandy Bottoms Resort.

Our 3XF Festival is always the perfect way to celebrate with a yummy BBQ of burgers and sausages — thank you Costco! We all enjoyed the beautiful and enchanting Burlesque performances from the amazing Esther de Ville and friends, plus this year a real treat with Scarlet Blacks fire performance.🔥 The weather was fine and sunny, and the scenes, some intense, some sensual. Sweet dessert treats and toasted marshmallows around the firepit — the ultimate in aftercare! 😉

Our week at Sandy Bottoms hosting “Kink Garden” for the second year in a row was just so much fun — part vacation, part education for us and our kinky friends new and old. Cold mornings, yes, but sunny afternoons out on the dock warming one’s cockles with adventurous friends who actually swam in the lake. I contemplated diving into the depths but wasn’t in the mood to explain shrinkage and cold water effects.

Every afternoon at 4pm we had a Kink-related seminar: wax play, percussion play, fire play, and CBT (more tickle than torture, as the model boundaries had to be set.) These were great ice breakers to introduce new guests and curious BDSM fetish first timers to alternative play options.

Our dungeon furniture was set up in a marquee, heated in the evening with space heaters and available for play 24/7, which our guests loved! I was on both sides of wax play firsts, shout out to “That Candle Lady” for wax kits (note: it’s very important to only play with candles from approved and experienced vendors). We’re already booked for “Kink Garden” #3 in 2027, Sandy Bottoms — a beautiful place to relax and unwind.

Next year our events will be even more fun with the grand opening of our rental bunkee/cabin and indoor Stable Dungeon!

Our Portable Spanking Bench

Thank you for reading along and staying with us! Our Portable Spanking Bench was the first piece of truly kink furniture that we designed and built for a Dom in Ottawa. We were attending an event organized by Ms Christie at NYX showcasing some of our pieces: the Love lounger, a Large Spanking Bench, and a horse… no portables were in our stable at this point but that was all about to change. Our kinky furniture revolution was about to explode!

We were asked to build a Spanking Bench that could be carried around and would fit in a car for easy transportation, it needed to be easily assembled hence the bolts, washers and wing nuts that have become standard with our portables — “NO TOOLS REQUIRED!” The standard model fits in a box 11 ½ x 19 x 29, all the pieces of the Spanking Bench fit in the box and the box itself becomes the kneeling part of the spanking bench. If you’re worried about the comfort level, a padded high density foam cushion upholstered in marine vinyl is packed in the box with the legs, frames and top bench cushion.

Over the years it has evolved with various sizes and pervertables added to the collection, but all based on this first design principle. As with all our furniture that’s custom built to order, you can have whatever colours suit your style or decor. We now offer a large version of the portable Spanking Bench, still easily transportable but is definitely a 2 person lift!

There may be other bench inspirations awaiting our deviant minds but for now we have the following available: a coffee table/bench, or an ottoman/foot stool/bench. These pieces of furniture hide in plain sight and can be used in your everyday lives innocently supporting books, cups of tea, feet and butts, with no obvious sign of what depraved secrets they hide. Your guests depart and within minutes a Spanking Bench is before you and now the real FFFun begins. “Off with his trousers!”

Looking forward to what’s coming up for us in the next month, our furniture will be featured in the Dungeon at the debut of “Eastcoast Bound” Thanksgiving weekend in Toronto. “Westcoast  Bound” has been a feature of the Vancouver Kink scene for years and now Toronto will get the chance to experience this immersive event firsthand.

We will again have a booth at the Taboo show in Toronto so you can come and see some of our most popular pieces including the Portable Spanking Bench in person. We’re also going to be debuting our Dr Seuss inspired “Stocks in a Box.” — another portable to add to our collection and as always a pervertable option will be offered. We don’t want to give to much away, you’ll have to come to the show. If that’s not possible all is not lost we’ll be sure to feature it in more depth in a future column.

Last but definitely not least “MONSTER BASH” — a complete hotel takeover in Niagara Falls. Our furniture will be in the Dungeon as always, as we’ll be Dungeon Mastering, offering scene participation and sharing our kinky knowledge and lifestyle insights with the participants. Thanks to Tabota for allowing people the opportunity to take a bite or nibble out of life on our furniture!

Cheers,

Martin & Nancy

FFFunFurniture.com